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How to Cope With Family Issues


A family learning how to cope with family issues

Family is a value that holds a lot of importance for me. This sentiment is shared by many of my friends, colleagues, relatives, and even clients. While it’s common for family to be a core value for many people, this doesn’t mean our families are perfect or free of problems. Each family is unique, and this uniqueness means there is a vast range of issues that members can experience: misunderstandings, not respecting boundaries, abuse, unmet needs, conflicting expectations, and many others.


Despite how different your family issues may be from someone else, a common theme I see in therapy work is that having strained family relationships can be painful. Many people struggle with working collaboratively on solutions, improving communication, or finding ways to not get triggered in certain situations. I would like to note that when I talk about “family,” this isn’t limited to blood relations, or even just parents and siblings. Everyone has their own concept of family, which is something we honour and respect at Bold Lotus.


How to Cope With Family Issues: Three Strategies

If you can relate to any of this, below are three strategies focusing on how to cope with family issues.


1. Give Yourself Permission to Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries with family is uncomfortable, especially when many of us were raised to believe we have to always be available, forgive, and put family first. However, it’s absolutely okay to have boundaries in relationships. Healthy boundaries exist to protect your well-being, and are not about cutting people off or being unkind.


Three Types of Boundaries

  1. Physical Boundaries

This is about consent and control over your own body. Not a hugger? Neither am I. Many of us are raised to accept physical contact from family, such as hugs and kisses. An example of setting a physical boundary is teaching children they don’t have to hug or kiss a relative, but can instead wave hello.


  1. Time Boundaries

It’s easy to feel guilty about not helping your cousin move or not cancelling your trip to spend time with your grandparents. Alternatively, you may find yourself feeling annoyed, tired, or even resentful, saying yes to every family event or trying to meet everyone else’s needs. Setting healthy time boundaries could include declining an invitation, setting a limit on how long you’ll visit for, or asking someone not to call you after a certain time.


  1. Emotional Boundaries

These types of boundaries are about protecting your emotional wellbeing and state of mind. They also help you feel respected and valued in your relationships. This could involve setting a limit on how long you discuss a subject that affects you, or telling someone that if they continue to comment on your appearance that you will have to end the call or leave the room.


  1. Try New Ways of Communication

Finding the right words in the middle of a disagreement can be challenging, or perhaps sharing your thoughts and feelings with a loved one feels unsafe or unnatural. A helpful strategy I recommend to some clients is writing a letter to their family member expressing their feelings.


This can be a helpful way to initiate a conversation when there are family issues because you can take time to reflect on what you say and how you say it. Even if you decide not to send the letter or email, this can be a therapeutic way of working through tough emotions and thoughts.


  1. Reach Out For Support

If you prefer having support while navigating family issues, asking another trusted loved one to be with you as you work through an issue can create a sense of safety. That person could even act as a mediator if needed. And of course, there is the option of family therapy.


At Bold Lotus, our trauma-informed therapists recognize how complex family issues can be. They are also aware of how trauma can significantly impact family relations. Our therapists will create a space for you and your loved ones to feel heard and understood. They can help you figure out what is causing issues, learn new ways of handling conflict, and help you improve communication.


If you feel that a trauma-informed approach to therapy could support you and your family, Bold Lotus Trauma Therapy is here to help. Click the link below to book a free consultation to see if we’re the right fit for you.



 
 

LAND ACKNOWLEDGMENT

We acknowledge that the land on which we gather is the traditional territory of the Attawandaron, Anishinaabeg, Haudenosaunee, and Lunaapeewak peoples who have longstanding relationships to the land, water and region of southwestern Ontario. The local First Nation communities of this area include Chippewas of the Thames First Nation, Oneida Nation of the Thames, and Munsee-Delaware Nation. Additionally,  there is a growing urban Indigenous population who make the City of London home. We value the significant historical and contemporary contributions of local and regional First Nations of Turtle Island (North America).

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