Breaking Cycles: How Family Therapy in London, Ontario Addresses Intergenerational Trauma
- Sarika Singodia
- 5 days ago
- 4 min read
Updated: 2 days ago
When you think about your parents or grandparents, have you ever thought, “I’m going to do things differently from them,” or, “When I have kids, I’m going to behave differently as a parent”?
Whether it's emotional disconnection, arguments, or avoiding conflict altogether, many people notice certain behaviours or emotional responses that repeat in their families from one generation to the next. This is known as intergenerational trauma.
What is Intergenerational Trauma?
Intergenerational trauma, also referred to as generational or inherited trauma, is what happens when adverse experiences are passed down from one generation to the next. In the context of family, it occurs when the descendants of someone who experienced a traumatic event exhibit emotional and behavioural reactions similar to what their ancestor or relative experienced. These emotional and behavioural reactions can show up in many ways, even subtly. Some examples include:
Struggles with emotional closeness
Unspoken family rules (like “don’t talk about hard things” or “keep it within the family”)
Fear of failure or rejection
Parenting approaches that are either overcontrolling or emotionally unavailable
Sometimes, the trauma is rooted in major historical or systemic events, such as colonization, war, forced displacement, or residential schools. Other times, it comes from experiences like abuse, neglect, addiction, or growing up in a household where no one really felt safe or supported. Even if you didn’t directly experience the original trauma, its effects can live on through stories, behaviours, coping mechanisms, and family dynamics.
How Does Intergenerational Trauma Impact Families?
It’s important to recognize that anyone can experience the effects of intergenerational trauma. Some people believe it exists in every family, just to varying degrees.
Members of a family who struggle with the impacts of intergenerational trauma may experience or struggle with:
Abuse
Neglect
Poor communication
Difficulty managing emotions
Low self-esteem
Estrangement
When working with clients who are trying to heal from intergenerational trauma, I have noticed common struggles when trying to communicate with relatives. For instance, when it comes to managing conflict within a family, one person might lash out in anger. Another might shut down.
Others may try to keep the peace at all costs, sacrificing their own needs to avoid tension. And often, my clients remain silent.
This doesn’t mean families don’t love each other. In fact, many of these behaviours developed as survival strategies. But survival mode isn’t the same as thriving. Over time, these patterns can damage relationships and make it hard to feel safe, supported, or truly seen. Without intervention, the same cycles tend to repeat.
Family Therapy for Healing Across Generations
Family therapy offers a space to interrupt those cycles and begin healing.
At Bold Lotus Trauma Therapy, our trauma-informed therapists work with families in London, Ontario, to explore traumas that may have been passed down over time.
In therapy, that healing process might include things like:
Learning how past experiences may be influencing present behaviours
Gaining tools to communicate more clearly and respectfully
Naming emotional needs without guilt
Rebuilding trust after years of disconnection
Making room for grief, compassion, and change
Family therapy is not about blaming one person or digging up every painful memory. It’s about bringing awareness to the patterns that are causing harm, and working together to choose something different.
You didn’t choose the trauma that may have shaped your family, but you can choose how you respond to it. And you don’t have to figure it out alone.
At Bold Lotus Trauma Therapy, we’re honoured to support families in their journey to understand, heal, and grow together. If you’re curious about how family therapy could support your family’s unique story, we invite you to reach out.
What is Intergenerational Trauma?
It is the transmission of psychological, emotional, and behavioural effects from a trauma survivor (e.g., of war, genocide, systemic racism, or profound abuse) to their children, grandchildren, and beyond, even if the later generations did not directly experience the original traumatic event.
How does trauma get "passed down"?
The transmission occurs through a combination of psychological, environmental, and potentially biological mechanisms:
Environmental/Psychological: This is the primary pathway. It includes learned behaviours (like hypervigilance or emotional numbness), dysfunctional communication, disrupted attachment patterns due to emotionally unavailable or overwhelmed parents, and a general worldview that the world is unsafe.
Social/Cultural: Trauma can be passed down through silence, family secrets, or the social reality of ongoing discrimination and marginalization for certain communities.
Epigenetic (Biological): Research suggests that trauma can cause epigenetic changes—modifications to DNA that alter how genes are expressed (turned on or off) without changing the DNA sequence itself. These changes, particularly in genes related to stress regulation, may be inherited, making descendants biologically more susceptible to anxiety and stress.
What are common symptoms in affected descendants?
Symptoms can resemble those of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or other mental health conditions:
Chronic anxiety or a generalized fear that "something bad will happen."
Hypervigilance (always being on high alert).
Emotional numbness or difficulty expressing feelings.
Low self-esteem or a chronic sense of shame/guilt.
Maladaptive coping mechanisms (e.g., substance abuse, self-sabotage, or unhealthy relationships) mirror patterns used by the ancestors.
Depression or other mental health vulnerabilities.
What is a "Trauma-Informed" approach?
A trauma-informed approach is essential. It means the therapist recognizes that the client's behaviours and emotional difficulties are often adaptive survival responses to trauma, not character flaws. The focus is on safety, trust, and client empowerment.
What are the goals of therapy for intergenerational trauma?
The primary goals are to:
Acknowledge and map the trauma's influence on current feelings and patterns.
Process the inherited emotional burden and unresolved family grief.
Differentiate between the ancestor's trauma and the client's own identity and experience.
Interrupt the cycle by learning new, healthy coping, emotional regulation, and communication skills.
Build resilience and a new, safer narrative for the client and future generations.
Which specific therapy modalities are effective?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Helps the brain process and integrate distressing, inherited emotional patterns and memories, reducing their intensity.
Family Systems Therapy: Views the individual within the context of the family unit, helping to identify and change rigid, often trauma-driven, family roles and communication styles.
Somatic Experiencing (SE): Focuses on the body's stored trauma responses (e.g., chronic tension, fight/flight activation) to complete the body's natural cycle of self-regulation that was disrupted by the trauma.
Internal Family Systems (IFS): Helps the client separate from and heal "parts" of themselves that carry the inherited burdens of the past, often leading to deep self-compassion.
Narrative Therapy: Encourages the client to rewrite the trauma story, emphasizing resilience and strength to create a new, empowering life narrative separate from the trauma history.
