Parenting Teens With Anxiety: What They Need Most From You
- Ariel Seale
- May 15
- 4 min read
If your teen is struggling with anxiety, you’re not alone. With anxiety rates on the rise, many parents are noticing their children experience more worries and overwhelm. If this resonates, you may be feeling a mix of emotions yourself – concerned, frustrated, maybe even helpless at times.
Watching your child constantly worry or avoid things they used to enjoy is hard. You want to help, but maybe you’re not sure how. Should you give advice? Offer reassurance? Take a step back to let them figure it out on their own?
The truth is, anxiety isn’t something we can simply ‘fix’, but it is manageable and, as a parent, you play a key role in helping your teen to navigate their worries.
Let’s look at some simple but effective ways to offer support. Whether your teen has been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder or just tends to worry, these tips are for you.
Help Your Teen to Identify Their Feelings
I know, teenagers don’t always love to talk about their feelings, but bear with me here! When we name what we’re feeling, it becomes much easier to manage.
Modelling: Since young people learn by example, modelling how to label feelings goes a long way. Try sharing a worry of your own, for example: “Honestly, I have a big presentation at work today, so I’m feeling quite nervous.”
Keep it casual: You can also make feeling talk more casual. Instead of asking, “Are you anxious?” (cue shrug), try, “You seem quiet today, what’s up?” This way, your teen gets to share at their own pace.
Name some options: If your teen does want to share, but seems unsure of what they’re feeling, that’s completely normal. Try helping them to pinpoint the feeling by asking, “Would you say it’s more stress, worry, or just feeling overwhelmed?”
Get Curious About Their Thoughts, and Validate Them
While there are many techniques for supporting anxiety, one common evidence-based approach is Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). You may have heard of CBT, which suggests that anxiety is fueled by thoughts, sometimes rational, sometimes extreme. Instead of dismissing these thoughts, let’s get curious about them.
Ask open-ended questions: Whenever possible, try to avoid assuming what your teen is anxious about. There are so many stressors in their world, some of which may not make sense even to them. Try asking open-ended questions, like, “What’s on your mind?”
Validate, validate, validate: It’s important to remember that anxious thoughts happen for a reason; they are our mind's way of trying to protect and prepare us. Even if the worries seem over the top, they are real to your teen, and even the most well-meaning reassurance can be perceived as invalidating when your teen is feeling anxious. Swap out “That won’t happen, you’re overthinking” for “I get why you would worry about that, but we’ll get through it together.”
Help them separate the worry thoughts from reality: One way to do this is to create some distance from the personal nature of the thought. Ask your teen, “If your best friend came to you with this thought, what would you say to them?” Oftentimes, teens arrive at their own rational conclusion this way!
Encourage Facing Fears, Not Avoiding Them
You may already know that this one is a tough cycle to break. Avoidance feels like a relief in the short term, but it actually fuels anxiety over time. As a parent, it’s completely natural to want to protect your child from distress, but too much protection can make the worries stronger. Let’s break it down with an example:
Avoidance: Imagine your teen dreads speaking in public, so you make all of their appointments, order for them at restaurants, and handle any situations that involve speaking up. In the short term, this keeps things smooth. But in the long term, their anxiety grows, and now just the idea of calling the doctor or talking to a barista is anxiety-provoking.
Facing Fears: Instead, you can support your teen to face their anxiety in a planned way. This means starting small: maybe you role-play a phone call together, or have your teen order at a drive-thru. With you there to support, your teen will become more confident about managing their worries. And the important thing here is that you celebrate the effort, not perfection.
You’ve Got This – And so do They!
If you’ve made it this far, I hope you are feeling better prepared to help your teen navigate anxiety and worries. Supporting teens with anxiety isn’t easy, but your support and validation make a huge difference! By helping your teen to name their feelings, understand their thoughts, and face their fears, you are building their confidence, one step at a time.
When to Seek Professional Help for Teens With Anxiety
If you’ve given these strategies a try, but anxiety is still interfering with your teen’s daily life, they may benefit from therapy. A therapist can build on the support you’ve provided by helping your teen develop coping strategies, reframe anxious thoughts, and feel more in control of their anxiety. At Bold Lotus Trauma Therapy, we understand how overwhelming anxiety can feel, especially during the teenage years. If you or your teen is looking for additional support, know that we are here to guide you both.
