Beyond "Just a Woman": The Hormone Conversation I Wish I’d Had

For the longest time, I lived in a cycle of self-blame. I had days where I felt capable, sharp, and resilient, followed by days where my anxiety felt like an uninvited guest that wouldn’t leave. Like many of us, I dismissed it. I told myself I was "just being emotional," "too sensitive," or that I simply needed to "get it together".

It wasn’t until I dove into the research on the endocrine system—the complex network of hormones that govern our bodies—that the lightbulb finally went on.

I realized that for years, I had been ignoring a biological symphony that was playing in the background of my mental health. I wasn’t failing at "being stable"; I was reacting to a shifting internal landscape I hadn't been taught to navigate.

The Missing Link in Mental Health

We often talk about mental health as something happening strictly in the "mind", as if our thoughts exist in a vacuum. We treat it as a matter of willpower or mindset. But the reality is that our brains are physically bathed in hormones like estrogen and progesterone. These aren't just "reproductive" hormones; they are master regulators for the very chemicals that dictate our moods.

• Estrogen and Serotonin: Estrogen helps keep serotonin, our "feel-good" and "stability" chemical, at optimal levels. When estrogen drops precipitously (like in the days before a period), serotonin often follows suit. This can lead to irritability, low mood, and even intrusive thoughts.

• Progesterone and GABA: Progesterone has a calming effect because it interacts with GABA receptors in the brain. GABA is our natural "anti-anxiety" neurotransmitter. When progesterone levels shift, we might find ourselves suddenly unable to sleep or feeling a sense of "doom" that has no external cause.

This isn't "hysteria" or "being difficult"; it is pure neurobiology.

The Cost of the "Hormonal Stereotype"

Societal stereotypes often tell women that our hormonal shifts make us "unreliable," "dramatic," or "crazy".

This is a form of collective gaslighting that teaches us to ignore our physical reality to avoid being labelled. We learn to mask our symptoms, to push through the brain fog, and to apologize for our own biological existence.

When we internalize these labels, we stop looking for solutions and start leaning into shame. We think, “I should be able to handle this”, without realizing that we are trying to run a marathon while our internal "fuel" has temporarily changed composition. By understanding the roles of these hormones, we can finally move from:

• Shame to Science: "I’m not broken; my brain is reacting to a chemical shift."

• Judgment to Curiosity: "What does my body need right now to support this dip? Is it more rest? Different nutrients? A slower pace?"

Making the Invisible, Visible

Your hormones aren’t an "excuse" for your behaviour, and they don't make your feelings "fake".

Instead, they provide vital context. When you know that your anxiety might be spiked by a drop in progesterone, you can hold that anxiety with a lighter grip.

You can say, "I feel anxious right now, but I know part of this is physiological. I don't have to believe every scary thought my brain is producing today."

Understanding this rhythm is the first step toward true mental health advocacy. It’s time we stop apologizing for having a body and start learning how to work with it.

Ready to stop fighting your body and start working with it? Understanding the "why" behind your moods is the first step, but unlearning years of self-blame is a journey you don't have to take alone. If you’re tired of feeling "at the mercy" of your hormones or your history, let’s talk about how trauma-informed therapy can help you regain your sense of agency. 

Book a Free Consultation

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Why do I feel so "unstable" or "emotional" at certain times of the month?

It is common to label these shifts as a personality flaw or a lack of emotional control. However, many of these feelings are tied to your neurobiology, not your character. When hormones like estrogen and progesterone fluctuate, they directly affect neurotransmitters like serotonin and GABA, which regulate mood and calm.

Reflective step: Look back at your most anxious or low days over the last three months. Do they consistently fall around the same time in your cycle? If you view these days as a temporary biological state rather than a "bad mood," it allows you to replace self-judgment with the support your body is actually asking for.

2. How can I tell the difference between "burnout" and a hormonal shift?

While they often overlap, hormonal shifts usually follow a predictable rhythm. When we are in a "dip"—such as the luteal phase—our bodies have a higher metabolic demand and a lower threshold for stress. What feels like burnout might actually be your body’s way of asking for a change in pace.

Reflective step: If your hormones could speak to you during a low-energy dip, what would they ask for? Often, the "brain fog" or irritability we feel is simply a request for more sleep, specific nutrients, or permission to say "no" to social obligations. Learning to listen to these requests helps prevent actual burnout.

3. I feel guilty for not being "consistent" every day. How do I stop apologizing for my moods?

We live in a society that values 24-hour consistency, which ignores the natural 28-day cycle many of us experience. Apologizing for your moods often stems from inherited labels—like being "too sensitive" or "difficult"—that don't account for your biology.

Reflective step: What would it feel like to stop apologizing and start explaining? Instead of saying "I'm sorry, I'm so tired," try: "I’m in a lower-energy phase of my cycle right now, so I’m taking things a bit slower to recharge." Shifting from apology to advocacy changes how you see yourself and how others respect your boundaries.